Each issue Mary Bello, our girl about town, discusses the highs, lows and uh-oh's of relationships!

Articles:

- Corporate Relations- Dating rules in the workplace

Corporate Relations- Dating rules in the workplace

The dating scene is as competitive as the premiership. So where do we go to find the perfect striker? Parties, bars, clubs....not anymore. While you are climbing the corporate ladder, you can pick up the perfect mate on the way to the top. Mary Bello discusses why the former workplace no no, is becoming a yes, yes oh yes!

We have all heard the term 'never mix business with pleasure.' Surely the original author was misquoted? In today's career driven world, who has time to get out there and meet the one? We spend all day at the office, evenings schmoozing with business contacts and now whenever we hop on a flight its more likely that your headed straight to a board room meeting than the beach. Relationships at work, similar to dating in secondary school all over again minus the curfews, spots, bad hair and lack of cash.

So is the office the venue du jour to meet your soul mate? Yes, according to Kathy, 34 who is engaged to a former colleague. An advertising executive, Kathy was to busy trail blazing in her twenties to have time for much of a social life. "I was always at the office. And when I did venture out I never met anyone on my wave length!" She states.
By her early thirties she had given up on looking for Mr Right and threw herself further into her work. Then she found love when she least expected it. “We developed lots of projects together. He got who I was very quickly." She say's of her fiancee John. "Obviously working in the same field meant we had something in common from the get go. I was spending more time with him than anyone else in my life. Things progressed from there.” Kathy and John dated for two years before anyone at work found out. But why all the secrecy? “It made sense. There is no need for everyone to be discussing your relationship as it progresses. You need time to find out if you really work as a couple before everyone else is taking bets on how long it will last!” The issue with an office romance is that once everyone knows it's a bit like being a celebrity couple. You become the hot, water cooler topic. Any small tit bit of information relating to the developing romance is gleaned, sensationalised and spreads like wild fire. Case in point, if you went for a drink on a Friday evening and shared a kiss, by Monday morning everyone is saying that you drank shots of tequila off each others body and then shagged on the bar.

Its this side of things that can cause problems. No one wants their boss to hear they are sleeping with a colleague. It can look unprofessional and gives the aura that you are lacking focus on your career. Susannah, a 25yr old Aeronautics Executive agrees. “I have been dating a colleague on my team for the last eight months. So far no one knows besides a good friend. I plan to keep it that way. Its amazing we actually sit next to each other and everyone is oblivious!” So Kathy and Susannah have the right idea.

Rule Number One: Keep it to your self until you know its serious.

So the workplace is now a veritable dipping pool full of dating potential. But how do you sort the wheat from the chafe? You need to be discerning. Ensure that whomever you decided to date they are not going to be indiscreet and they are worth your time. Because if it all ends in tears, there is nothing more awkward than the office break-up. Neela, a 30 year old accountant knows only to well. She was living with someone she worked with, for a year. They broke up after he cheated on her. “It was a complete mess. We worked on the same floor as each other but it's a big place. I thought I could avoid him.” However, it wasn't that straight forward. “I would bump into him at the coffee machine or catch his eye across the floor. Every time that happened, I just wanted to run to the bathroom and cry.” Of course, as with every break up time heals. But having your ex rubbed in your face day after day does not speed up the process. Neela also suffered the humiliation of the ex discussing her with other colleagues. “I would hear from mutual friends at work that he had bitched about me. Whatever happened I never discussed intimate details of our relationship with anyone else. I certainly never told anyone that he had a penis that curved to the left!” Well, you have now.

Rules two and three Choose your office mate wisely- simple but important. Don't date someone that works on your floor

I once worked with a guy who was a bit of an office romeo. You know the one, very good looking, ridiculously confident often quite good at his job. You meet him and you think wow. Yes, we have all worked with one. The problem is, when you are new to an office its hard to spot them at first. Like a fool I fell foul. We went out it was fun (he was hot) but once it was over it felt very much like he 'took one for the lads.' He was the best looking man in the office, so it was only fair that he bagged any fresh meat at work. And as soon as another cute girl arrived, romeo had found his next victim. I of course being a bitch failed to warn her, oops.

Susannah 25, an intelligent graduate who works for a leading aeronautics firm, fell victim to an office romeo not once but twice. “When I first started at my firm I was assigned a mentor. He was very good at what he did, confident, sexy. I looked up to him.” Mr Mentor was apparently teaching Susannah about the industry. She ended up learning a few lessons but they had little to do with jet engine size. She lost her virginity to him. “It's amazing. I had thought he was special. After we slept together he completely blanked me at work. Unless we had to discuss something work specific he avoided me. I then discovered he was being promoted and transferred to our New York office. When he left I never heard from him again.”

Now after such an episode you couldn't blame Susannah if she stayed away from men for a while. Once bitten twice shy? Wrong. Susannah moved floors after the whole mentor debacle. Then the classic situation arose. The Christmas party affair not to remember. “There was a senior manager that took an interest in me. I was flattered. He had the Richard Gere vibe. Older, sexy, and seemed as though he would know how to treat a lady." Like Richard he was also married.

Nothing happened the night of the party, but afterwards the two began to exchange flirty emails. “I knew he was married but I couldn't resist him.” Things got heated in cyber space and they soon agreed to meet up for a drink. In a hotel. Clearly a bad move by our girl. After a few Kir Royales Susannah found out that the older man had prepared for all eventualities. “He had booked a hotel room. Alarm bells should have rang, I mean that was kind of presumptuous. But I ended up going back with him, We fooled around but didn't go as far as sex.” Later on she discovered that she was not the only object of his affection. Apparently he had been a bad boy with several other girls in the office. Despite this Susannah is now living with the man of her dreams. “Its perfect. He’s sweet, attentive and he drives me to work. That's because he sits next to me!” Yes, Susannah is now onto her third office romance. Third times a charm.

Rule's Number four, five and six: Avoid the bloody cad!! Do not go to a hotel lobby for your first date. If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.

Ok so there are some horror stories and some succeses. The important thing to remember is that your career is paramount. Work is not something to be played with but that doesn't mean that you cant meet your perfect playmate by the photocopier. Just stick to the six rules of city loving and you could wind up with the perfect career and the possibility of a tea break quickie!